Self Defense?

Well yesterday went so so. A huge storm came through around 2:30 pm and somehow magically removed all of the boats and all of the wave runners from the lake. Unfortunately the storm lost it's magic powers as the sun came back with a fury. It seems that the boats and wave runners absorbed some of that fury and Katy bar the door!

After the sun came back it really got bad for the shore owners, waves slamming against the defenseless seawall high enough to jump over them onto our tiny innocent lawn. I'm not going to talk about how high our dock jumped trying to avoid the crashing of the boat produced destroyers. What a deal! Thank goodness the dock still seems to be in one piece tho I've had to go down with a few tools to save it once when the walkway almost came loose. That would have been a downer!

Glenda is such a knowing dear, she hid all of the shells for every gun we own including the small 22. At the peak of my aggravation I looked in all of the hiding places I could think of for some ammunition but to no avail. In desperation I rushed to the garage thinking I might pull a tire from the car or pickup. I would pull the inter-tube out and make a couple of large straps attaching it to a pouch that I would cut from the palm of one of the leather gloves that we have in the garage. I thought I would find a nice tree fork that I could attach the other ends of the rubber straps to, making a really good slingshot for delivering some kind of devastating form of rock chunks or even small pieces of wet dog poop onto some of the woeful ignoramuses.

I must have been a bit out of my mind! Even I Know we don't have tube type tires anymore. The best I could do was use the two worn out shoes strings from the other day and stick the pouch on the end of them. I tied one of the strings to my finger and held the other loosely between my thumb and forefinger. I filled the pouch with fresh dog poop and as a speeding boat approached I whirled the makings above my head and at what I thought was just the right moment I released the loose string. Well, I didn't slay much playing David but I did spread a little shit across the side of the house and now Glenda is on my case to get the ladder out. Yep, it turns out I've gotten myself into shit over my head.

Even at that some of the boats look to come close enough that with a nice six foot pole while standing on the dock I would be able to cold conk a couple of them but there was a problem with that too. If you turned loose of the dock uprights to swing the pole the dock would throw you off. In the end I finally came into the house, shut the blinds and turned the TV up very loud.

You know I may be joking about some of this but I'm leaving it as written and I guess I'll go get the ladder down. I hope it hasn't dried too much!

Make Believe.

Weather wise the day started as a nice summer type day which would mean boaters galore all out trying to make themselves believe they are having fun as they bruise and sunburn their bodies. Most would add a little alcoholic beverage so as to mask the pain somewhat. The consumed beverage might contribute some to the inability to recognize or read the 'no wake' buoys but I think the biggest factor is they really don't care! Their biggest aim is to believe they are having fun so buoy don't get in their way!..........................HOWEVER, the sun has been struggling for some time to hang on to it's place of prominence and I do believe that it may have lost the battle. Pretending to be a savior, some clouds have sailed in to help protect our dock. A worry they bring is of storms and or tornadoes that could reek more damage than a bunch of ignorant gratification seeking boaters!

Retired life is grand and as you can see I really have got to search hard to find something to complain about. I search hard because based on all my years of experience and noting how they do it on the news, people want to hear of trials and tribulations of life rather than any happy stuff.

So as it really is, is not necessarily said. It's kind of like reaching in after you've mixed up a bunch of words, grabbing a handful then throwing them at the computer. You get to read what sticks. That could be good ....or that could be bad. Either way the emergency button works just fine.

No See!

If time is money it sure did cost me a lot to re-lace my freshly washed two day dried tennies this morning. I've had them for several years and all of that time I had used only ten of the twenty eyelets that are available. That worked just fine but I've always had too much shoestring and have always had to double bow it. This morning I decided to use the other eyelets hoping to cut my bows in half. How in the hell do you lace shoes with twenty eyelets and why would you want twenty? I should have just bought shorter shoestrings! I'm thinking I'll need to buy new shoestrings soon anyway because I almost wore one of them out this morning lacing and unlacing so many times as I spent about thirty minutes trying to figure out how they should be laced. The last attempt I left in. Because of my huge belly I decided that if I refrain from taking long steps I'll never see them again anyway except when I put the shoes on or take them off. Other folks I know will probably never notice either because most never look at me anyway. If they should they would never look lower than my big gut.

Last Sunday I decided I didn't want to shave anymore so a beard was in the making. After about four days I was looking pretty ragged but I was sure it would take shape soon. Glenda had been on my case about it everyday. Ruthie came over Thursday to visit and wouldn't even give me a hug because I looked so terrible. She and Glenda together made several nasty comments in regard to the four day growth. They decided to hit the grocery store in Eldon before the weekend madness started so they took off. While they were gone I went in and shaved the dam thing off. Can you believe neither one noticed the clean look when they returned? After Ruthie left, Glenda and I ate a little supper and I waited for her to notice. After she had been home a couple of hours I gave up and while actually in her face had to point it out to her....She was looking right into my face and didn't notice it until I told her! I'm never going to shave again! I wonder if it could be something about my big mouth that keeps people from looking at me?

At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.

Sick?

Believe it or not but yesterday the sun didn't hide until it retired for the night. We had the sun in the morning and the moon at night for once. I may be bluffing about the moon because I really didn't look for it but I think it was probably there. Mid-afternoon we did get about 30 drops of rain then back to only muggy.

I took the no rain opportunity to mow the grass and I'm hoping as hard as I can that I didn't kill it. It was so humid that just sitting outside you would wet your clothes with perspiration. Well, when I mowed the lawn the perspiration increased ten-fold or more and just ran off my body. I literally sprinkled the little lawn with that salty solution. I've looked this morning and it all appears to be okay with one exception. One place where I had stopped to watch a boat run between the no wake buoy and the dock at a too fast speed. I don't know if standing there too long did it or if it might be the result of an extra large dose of solution that I may have expelled while standing there, because that boater really did piss me off.

I also cleaned the gutters but they are aluminum so I don't think the moisture from my body running through them will cause any rust. Just in case I did take a look at them this morning and the only unusual thing I noticed was seven squirrels that appeared to be licking on them in various places. I guess they don't have enough salt in their diet. If that's the case I'm thinking I'll try to buy some saltpeter to put out for them. I don't know it that stuff works or not but I may give it a try. We have way too many squirrels around here and I haven't any desire to shoot them. The saltpeter wouldn't be an immediate solution but it could help in the long run.

One of the medications for my high blood pressure is a diuretic. I was puzzled of the lack of action yesterday by that medication. Thinking back about the severe perspiring that went on I have concluded that it is not absolutely necessary for one to have a special orifice to eliminate water from ones body. I think I'd want to keep mine tho, partly because of where it is, but the main reason is, it works so well and with it's use it isn't necessary to shake ones complete body.

I may be a bit sick and warped in the head but my heart and all my orifices do seem to be in their proper places. Sorry if you've been offended.

Teaser

That temptress Lady Nature is doing it again this morning. A view long enough to inflame our memories and desires of sunny summer days then quickly covering the peek with clouds. While some desire still remains she will cruelly extinguish the flames by dousing them with water as she growls and throws large thunderbolts of power sending most of us to the basement to hide cowering from the possibilities.

I did manage to catch four Crappie yesterday. Only the first one was long enough to be legal, so not knowing if 'this was the day' or not he had a short visit to the basket. After spending quite some time performing the challenging chore of catching three more that didn't measure up, old slow me knew it wasn't going to happen so I dug him out, released him and came back to the house.

It may read like fishing is a waste of time around here but it is far from it. If the fresh smells, the peace of the breaking day and the quite being interrupted only by the nature sounds isn't enough, there is Mikey who follows every cast and watches each retrieve with such an intensity that he literally shakes. When we catch one he may take a half hearted snap at it but then quickly he prepares for the next cast. He believes we'll catch a fish every time and that affects my faith. Keeps me fired for awhile but I always seen to give up before he does. If I could only teach him how to use the rod himself...............Best I've been able to do is teach him to man my bait fishing rod for me, as shown in the attached picture, while I fish a lure with another rod.

"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot." -- Steven Wright

Bad/Good

We still have rain here. At this time thunder seemingly from the east is indicating there is lightning about tho I haven't noticed any. I may need to shut down soon meaning that our plight could be your delight. The end result if we typed less would still be about as interesting and meaningful as if we typed several paragraphs but the time consumption for you and for me would be less, freeing us for something more important like staring out the window or watching a bug crawl across the window pane.

WOW! There were two big strikes that looked like they were just across the cove. I didn't want to strike out so I turned this baby off, unplugged it and walked! A severe thunder storm warning was in effect but it passed with seemly no severity here. The warnings have been transferred on to the counties east of us.

The sun just peaked out for a look and apparently didn't like the view so it quickly went back into hiding. It is said that we will be involved in this 'hide and seek'------shelter game for most of the week including the weekend and Memorial Day. Sometimes to get some good you need to accept a little bad. Not a boat on the lake and that includes fishermen!

Officially there were six tornadoes that touched down in northern Missouri Monday and Monday night. There were some damages but no fatalities that we've heard of at this time. A lot of tough and loyal to Missouri people live in this state!

We're hoping that all of your good this day is the kind that comes without bad!

No Parade Planned.

Last night the really severe weather stayed quite a way north of us thank goodness, but we did get over an inch of rain and tho we can almost see the sun this morning the word is another 2 to 4 inches will bless this part of the world during today and tonight. They're talking about rain off and on all week end too. All of those dock killing holiday big time boaters will help the local economy more in the shopping malls than they ever would buying gas and creating dock repair jobs.

It's pretty hard to type with my great big huge old smile obstructing my vision to the key board. Yep, I'm a hunt and pecker but I do use three fingers to type. I usually only use one finger when trying to communicate to most of the inconsiderate dock breaking boaters that have no idea what no wake means. I guess some of them know but don't care. Some come between our no wake buoy and the dock at about a third throttle instead of an idle. That is probably worse than coming by at full throttle. You just wouldn't believe some of the boating antics that happen around here.

We're wishing you a very good nother day!

Changes Happen

Not a lot going on here thank goodness. Just over the Nebraska line and I think in northern Missouri there were many many tornadoes. Seems like they said there had been over nineteen of them. It is said it might reach us by late this evening or tonight. If you don't like Missouri's weather, wait a day and it will change. Sometimes change is not good!

I think we've got to got to town for a few things today. I'm trying for this morning because we would rather experience bad weather in the safety of our own basement. It could come to pass that I stay home anyway. Glenda says when I go with her she ends up paying for more things than we really need. Shoot I always thought of it as a good idea when I put things in her cart. She has been trying to teach me the difference between need and want for a long time now. I'm thankful that she still bows to some of my wants every once in awhile. Is that a ring in my nose?

Sorry I waste your and my time with this stuff but what the heck, I personally have been a lot more wasteful than doing this.

Sunny but cool.

Too cool to be doing much outside just yet so I thought I would mess with something new and here it is.

I'll stumble around on this for awhile. If it seems like something we want to do we might just do it.