May 10

My new deepened voice will not go away for some reason. Could it be that my voice is now resounding thru my huge bass drum like middle?

Yesterday, I came down the garage with my arms loaded with a 50 lb. bag of water softer salt and had to kick on the door and holler for Glenda to open it. After several shouts, I heard her tentatively ask, "who is it". Said she didn't recognize my deep voice. Damn, you don't need to be a blond to be exasperating.

When she finally opened the door she had Mikey growling beside her and a can of pepper spray in her hand. I guess I can't fault her for being cautious but why did she haft to shoot me twice in the face. It sure did pep me up tho, I literally sailed down the steps with that 50 lbs of salt. Thankfully it landed first but Glenda said it made her think of saltpeter because of the salt, my landing on top and my gyrations caused by the spray made it appear that I was humping it and yet she said, she couldn't detect anything sexual during the ordeal other than my screaming the F word eleven times as I sailed. I personally think it was only twice but what idiot wants to argue with a ding-a-ling holding a pepper spray can.

I don't care what they say, spring may not be here yet because my taste buds still seem to be dormant.
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"Exaggeration is the inseparable companion of greatness." - Voltaire