Self Defense?

Well yesterday went so so. A huge storm came through around 2:30 pm and somehow magically removed all of the boats and all of the wave runners from the lake. Unfortunately the storm lost it's magic powers as the sun came back with a fury. It seems that the boats and wave runners absorbed some of that fury and Katy bar the door!

After the sun came back it really got bad for the shore owners, waves slamming against the defenseless seawall high enough to jump over them onto our tiny innocent lawn. I'm not going to talk about how high our dock jumped trying to avoid the crashing of the boat produced destroyers. What a deal! Thank goodness the dock still seems to be in one piece tho I've had to go down with a few tools to save it once when the walkway almost came loose. That would have been a downer!

Glenda is such a knowing dear, she hid all of the shells for every gun we own including the small 22. At the peak of my aggravation I looked in all of the hiding places I could think of for some ammunition but to no avail. In desperation I rushed to the garage thinking I might pull a tire from the car or pickup. I would pull the inter-tube out and make a couple of large straps attaching it to a pouch that I would cut from the palm of one of the leather gloves that we have in the garage. I thought I would find a nice tree fork that I could attach the other ends of the rubber straps to, making a really good slingshot for delivering some kind of devastating form of rock chunks or even small pieces of wet dog poop onto some of the woeful ignoramuses.

I must have been a bit out of my mind! Even I Know we don't have tube type tires anymore. The best I could do was use the two worn out shoes strings from the other day and stick the pouch on the end of them. I tied one of the strings to my finger and held the other loosely between my thumb and forefinger. I filled the pouch with fresh dog poop and as a speeding boat approached I whirled the makings above my head and at what I thought was just the right moment I released the loose string. Well, I didn't slay much playing David but I did spread a little shit across the side of the house and now Glenda is on my case to get the ladder out. Yep, it turns out I've gotten myself into shit over my head.

Even at that some of the boats look to come close enough that with a nice six foot pole while standing on the dock I would be able to cold conk a couple of them but there was a problem with that too. If you turned loose of the dock uprights to swing the pole the dock would throw you off. In the end I finally came into the house, shut the blinds and turned the TV up very loud.

You know I may be joking about some of this but I'm leaving it as written and I guess I'll go get the ladder down. I hope it hasn't dried too much!